When Silence Is No Longer Golden

So a friend who I knew from my internship in Sydney a couple of years ago came over to Singapore for the whole week last week. She said she did that because the tickets were very expensive if she was to fly back to Sydney right after the long weekend (it was the long weekend Easter holiday, and Sydney had the Friday and Monday off). For some reason, we ended up practically dating for the whole week. So it all started a few weeks leading up to her vacation to these parts. For some reason she messaged me almost every day in the different platforms where we are connected (there were just two basically, but for some reason we jumped back and forth between the two platforms depending on the time of the day). We were initially just talking about work stuff mostly, and some personal, but still work-related stuff like how I kept going back to the office on weekends ( :'( ) and how her rating during the last performance review was below her expectation (it was actually fine... But she...

Hi again reader(s?). So many posts the last few days, yeah? In the past I would say that this is a good thing but now... not so much. I met up with a friend, who, for some reason, I became close to out of a sudden. Probably due to situation. But anyway met up with her and chat up a bit. Okay, for the benefit of readers who don't know what I'm talking about, and for my future reference, I should write a little more about this girl. Met her in university. Nice girl, seemed to be able to connect with a lot of people easily. After a while, I realized she might be onto something. As in, something's not really right whenever I asked her about how "popular" she is. Today I found out that I was right; that she's been going through something similar to what I've been going through, but worse. Anyway, initially I wished to talk about dating stuff, since I felt that she has established implicitly (but strongly) that she sees me as just friend, or "bro...

Hi readers! Lots of updates in the past few days, huh? I guess I just happened to be having a rather happening week. A few interesting stuff for my future self to look back (and maybe for readers who know me personally and want to know the stuff that has been happening in my life), in brief: I just met one of my matches the second time earlier this week. So I met up with that girl from the previous post again on Monday, since she happened to be in the area in the evening. This time round she's more free so I had the chance to bring her around the office and talked more about ourselves. I learned and gained a lot of insights about many things. For one, that I might be more of an asshole than I thought I am. I kept putting labels on her like "foreigner", "American", all kinds of things (not necessarily super offensive, but still kinda weird and unbecoming of me. She kindly reminded me how that's something that people shouldn't be saying time and ...

Hi readers. I'm doing better now so please don't worry about me (if there is any readers left at this point, that is). For those who are out of the loop, simple check out my previous post , where I threw a textual tantrum about how I was lonely and desperate and stuff. I am not *that* depressed anymore, though I'm still sad by the fact that I didn't get to make full use of my teenage years to avoid the state of mind I'm in right now. But that's beside the point of what I wanted to write about in this post. Or actually it is, since technically it is inside my mind, and thus it overflows. Or maybe not really. I'm rambling. Moving on. So basically yeah, I'm doing much better now. I just decided to accept that fact and try to improve myself. Just a little update on what happened last weekend; I actually made a "dana" to a "bhante"!! (that's "donation" and "Buddhist monk/venerable" to you plebs. Jk, I meant non...

Hi readers! Firstly I apologize for abandoning this blog for 3 months! The first month was due to me being busy with schoolwork (it being my last semester as an undergrad and stuff). The next month was due to me being busy having fun traveling a bit (grad trip hype woots). And the last month was due to me being lazy... Sigh. It is now nearing the end of my very last long break before I start working for real. It seems that I didn't see the importance of making it *really* counts, despite it being my very last holiday as a student. I did fill it with some interesting things in the first few weeks as you can tell from the summary of my last 3 months in the first paragraph, however after I was back from those trips, I am back to the same old me, lazing about in my house doing nothing much but eat, sleep, and play. Did I do whatever I can to make it counts? Is it money that held me back from doing more? Or simply my laziness? Looking at my bank account right now, it seems ...

Another post on another month! Seems like either this is a very happening semester or I just have too much free time to post (it is the latter). I can't believe my journey in the university is coming to an end soon. And I am still the same inexperienced guy when it comes to girls, just like when I entered. What happened? Yesterday I watched a musical by the Indonesian community in NUS to support a friend. I did not even think to buy her a flower. After the performance, I had nothing much to say, not even requesting to take a picture with her and her gorgeous costume. In contrast, two years ago she performed in the same musical series and I took a picture with her, even gave her a friendly hug. What happened? At the same musical, I met her (the her from this post ). Actually, I met her a few hours before the event. We just spoke briefly, both parties awkwardly trying to end the conversation not awkwardly (even this whole sentence is awkward). After the event, we met aga...

Hi readers! Seems like I've been trying to catch up with my lack of posts this year by posting in a window of 10 days before my last one (And contributing more to my lack of sleep)! But this is one of those midnight thoughts you have before you sleep, and I feel that it is too important to be let go and forgotten to the next day, so here goes. I thought I have written about this before, but apparently a quick search revealed that I didn't, but it seemed that I almost wrote about it but decided not to. To be exact, it was actually my first post ever . I remembered roughly what happened. I got into an argument with my friend, and he mentioned something that it was because I couldn't let go of my ego that I didn't manage to accomplish something. I knew he was right. However, I was probably in denial or something, I just got down and felt moody and stuff, just like what I wrote in the post. I didn't remember if I followed up after the realization, but probably not,...

Hi readers! Not a very long hiatus between posts this time round, eh? Count yourselves lucky, because I decided to update my blog just to keep a journal of something that happened last week. Just to give you a background information, I flew to Tianjin, China last Wednesday and just returned today.  The plan was for my family (and I) to attend my elder brother's graduation ceremony but because we bought our tickets before the graduation date is confirmed, it turned out that the graduation would be on Sunday and we already purchased our return tickets on Saturday. Despite the trip being extremely exhausting, things did not go as planned, and we ended up not doing what we intended to do for the trip (attending the graduation) it was nevertheless a fulfilling one for me.

Omg. It was just 3 days away from a seemingly innocent post and now I am already writing about some melancholy post again sigh.... But I really need to pour it somewhere to someone I can trust/somewhere nobody would find but I can feel that I have shared it with someone. So there is this girl in the summer trip. She is a NUS business student. Doesn't look very pretty but she is very cute. She is going to be my travel partner to Beijing before I can check in to the dorm (maybe). I fell for her on the first sight. Other guys turn out to be much more alpha than me. I missed a lot of opportunities to flirt with her. (Not that I am good with flirting in the first place). I got some cues that she is trying to avoid me. My brain says ok but my heart was in denial. It was such a painful afternoon, Luckily we went back to hotel early. I could not sleep or do anything at all. I tried to get to my laptop and do some simple coding but I simply could not concentrate.

Hi readers! I hope I have not left this blog for too long this time round? I did again, didn't I? *okay* Anyway, This is one of the few times when I write not in the wee hours of night, because there is something that I strongly feel need to be shared. Ever heard of this thing called The Imposter Syndrome? It is a condition where you tried to be someone you're not because of peer pressure, social expectation etc. I am sure many of you readers (if there are readers at all? Hello?) have encountered a situation where you are expected to know/do something because of a label attached to you. For example, if you are a computer science student, you are kinda expected to know how to fix all sort of computer's problem, pick a side in the battle between PC and Mac, Android and iOS, etc. That is not a very good example for some of us, so I shall just refer you to the site where I read it from. The Imposter Syndrome If you have not read it yet, I suggest you should. Other than th...

Hi readers (if any)! To make up for the big gaps in between my last few posts, I am currently trying to post more often! (No, actually I am writing this now because I cannot sleep because the weather is freaking HOT!) Reason for this post aside, I do have some things in mind that I would like to share to the readers (again, if any) and of course, myself. (Sharing thoughts to yourself? Just what the hell does that even mean?) So yeah, it is Saturday night. Just watched Spiderman 2, it was pretty cool and all. But that is not the point of my post tonight (then why bother writing it?) I have been missing Sunday service (I am a Buddhist by the way) for the last couple of.... months, I guess? Anyway, it feels really odd not to attend Sunday service for this long. I guess that is what an old habit does to you when you grow up. (I have always been going to Sunday service every Sunday when I was little). Again, it is not the point of the post. I suddenly remembered, for no reason, a t...

Hi readers!! First and foremost, I would like to say... Happy new year 2014!!! Best wishes to all of you, readers and passer-bys alike!! Let us go straight to the main point why I am writing this post. Like everyone else in the world, there is some sort of obligation to make something once every year, especially in this time of the year. That's right, the new year's resolution!! Some people think that new year resolutions are merely bullshit said during new year which would be forgotten sooner or later. That is their problem for not committing to their own resolutions. For me, I wrote my new year resolution in my phone so that I can refer to it anytime I need. Of course, those pessimists are partially true; I did not fulfil many of my last year's resolution. But at least I did fulfil a few, and it might not be possible if I did not keep track of them every now and then. Pessimists all over the world, around this time of year Before I reveal to you all my resolution for this...

Hi readers!! Again, it has been a really long while since the last post! A little bit of catching up first; I have finished my exams (yay!) and is now having my 'winter' holiday in my home country (though there is no such thing as winter both in Singapore and in my home country). Just as a warning, this is going to be a melancholy post so for those in high mood because of the holiday season, I highly recommend you all to skip this post. Suit yourself if you want to read them still, though. At your own risk! Okay so here comes the melancholy part. Perhaps let me start with what I have been doing over my first semester in NUS. Just as a recap, or for your information, if you have not been following my blog (is there even anyone that follows my blog? Helloooww??!), I did not take any CCA (that's co-curricular activites for you non-Singapore-educated readers) and instead took a part time job as a helper for a research that I do not even know what. The job took quite a bit (a lo...

Hi readers!! Once again, a long while after the last post. I am so sorry for that, I am really, like really, busy such that I do not have any time to spare to blog. Now that the semester has ended (there is still finals though, but that is still (only?) a week away~) I can spare some time to write something. And just nice, I have something to say as well! Okay so basically, today (by the time this is posted is yesterday) I went back to my secondary school, SJI - that's St Joseph's Institution, in case you don't know - to attend a farewell concert. The concert is in conjunction with the moving of the campus as it is going to be renovated. The school is going to be moved temporarily to another campus in Bishan (I think it is used to be an ITE or something) for a couple of years. Shortly, I was a sort of..... fooled(?) by the nice-looking e-mail invitation, thinking it is some kind of grand concert that would take place in the PAC (Performing Arts Centre) or something, where o...