When Silence Is No Longer Golden

Hi readers! It's only been a little while (somewhat) since the last post! And surprise, surprise (not really); I haven't done the thing that I said I would in my last post ! I have an excuse for that, though I really shouldn't be making excuses... But anyway the excuse was that work got super busy soon that I don't have enough time for myself; I worked like almost 12 hours for all 5 days for like 2-3 weeks, plus a few hours on Saturday! I managed to keep my Sunday off though, which is a really much needed relieve for that crazy weeks. Another much needed relieve was last week's lunar new year break! I got to go back to my home town, though my break got interrupted with one day of work for a meeting that I'd rather not skip (not a meeting I couldn't skip, but I'd just rather not skip it). Oh also, I already broke one of my new year resolution; not to ghost people! I played with my dating apps again, got matched, and didn't even say hi until the c...

Hi readers! The 5th of the "Obligatory New Year Post" series! This time is resolutions for 2019, and reflections for 2018! Before I actually read past year's resolution and evaluate on how I did, I would like to say first that off-hand, 2018 is a rather bad year for me. People almost always say that the past year has been great for them despite ups and downs, yada2... But for me, 2018 all in all has not been that great. Despite the ups like my New York trip (which didn't turn out as awesome as I hoped it to be), reconnected with her (an opportunity which I totally blew), and kinda reconnected with her (not too bad, but then again, she went to the US so we don't have that many overlapping time for catch-ups, so..), 2018 has been underwhelming, to say the least. I didn't progress at all in terms of my self-discovery and making myself more comfortable with girls. I didn't manage to push myself to exercise regularly, didn't meditate regularly... Basica...

Hi readers! It's again been a long while since the last update! Not sure what happened since then, but I know that I got busy since end September for my New York trip planning, which was on end October, which was immediately followed by a Malacca trip on the weekend I returned to Singapore, which was soon followed by a team offsite to Bali a couple of weeks after, which was then followed by the annual holiday party, which was just last night (or tonight) at the time this post is written! Exciting times! Of course, following the prevailing tradition, I'd feel melancholic after such social events and would start asking myself the "what have I been doing with my life?!" questions again, so now we have another blog post! On a more serious note, I do think that I need to do something about my life. I've not been able to discipline myself; sleeping late every night for one reason or another (because of the audience of this blog I can't disclose what they are, wh...

Hi readers! It's been a while (as usual) since the last time I wrote here! I know I actually posted something a couple of weeks ago but it was really just publishing something that had been sitting on my list of draft with minor edits and addition of intro and outro, so I don't think that counts. So the reason I feel like writing something today is because I had a realization that I'm back to where I started with all the dating stuff. I feel like shit again for not having a girlfriend, and I don't feel that I am good enough for anyone to find me desirable. Always happen when I have a crush on someone. And I can't even recall a single learning I had from those dates. Damn my brain and my defense mechanism for coping with unpleasant experiences... Luckily I documented *most* of my experience and learning in this blog so I can always just go back and read them again... But I hate having to relive those experiences again, afraid that I might feel even more down afte...

Hi readers! I finally have some free-ish time, and I've been planning to write a mid-year reflection (and probably birthday reflection too). However, I'm not really in the mood to write right now, and from past experiences, forcing myself to write when I'm not in the mood either resulted in sub-par posts, or just ended up as draft permanently. So, I decided to look through my old drafts and try to publish them even though they are not really in the best shape to be seen by public. This might be annoying to some readers who wish for continuity in my posts but unfortunately, I can't find a way to edit the date of a post, so you really just have to live with it. (Actually I didn't even try and too lazy to do that so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) ====================== Sometime in September/October 2013, based on the link embedded in the story. ====================== Hi readers!! Finally I am able to make time to write another post here. Just for the sake of records, you know. Y...

Hi readers! Long time readers might recognize this title, or any reader would notice the number "2" on the title, which indicates that it is the second of a series of posts with the same title! (Thanks, Capt) So yeah, basically I got a message from the same unexpected person as the that other post with the same title . Not sure what was the last time I chatted with her. Probably during our last meetup last year? This time round, again, she texted me to ask for help, but this time is for a speech she's writing. Before I even glanced at the script she sent me, I had already guessed that it must be her valedictorian speech, and I was right! Didn't expect any less from you, Cha! No pressure, though :p. But yeah anyway, very proud of her and I must say that I'm very surprised that she thought of me when she's looking for help with that. Honestly I don't get how people who ask me for help could even remember me; I always feel that I don't leave much of ...

Hi readers! It's been quite a while again since the last post (about a month). And just like I said in the comment of my last post, nothing really happens between us afterwards. It was probably my fault for not being there for her, but the difference in timezone at that time was really going to affect my work if we were to keep up our same routine when we were only 2-3 timezones away. Anyway, she's taken so that's probably for the best. Today's post wasn't supposed to be about her. It's about what I felt every time during this time of the year. What's with around this time of the year, you ask? It's the Vesak season, you uneducated moron (jk, I understand Buddhism doesn't get as much love in the "west" compared to other Asian religions. Funny that I used the word "west";  she was always so worked up every time I used the word to generalize cultures that are not "Asian"). Anyway, I digressed. Around this time of th...

Hi readers. Just (really literally just now) talked to her over the phone. I "confronted" her about our mock dates last week, and she insisted that she didn't mean to lead me on or whatever by whatever we did together then. I accepted her explanation but yet she told me that she felt overwhelmed by me questioning her like that. Not sure what she meant by that exactly; I tried to be as gentle as possible but probably not quite gentle enough. Things got a little awkward shortly after, but for some reason we continued to talk and we managed to get back to our previous level of comfort. She consciously tried to stop herself from sharing her relationship problem with me, but I think she just couldn't take it and started sharing some of her recent issues with her bf. I'm really surprised when she told me that she's been putting on a mask trying to please her bf's expectation of her. This shocks me especially because I thought if a couple is together, they...

So a friend who I knew from my internship in Sydney a couple of years ago came over to Singapore for the whole week last week. She said she did that because the tickets were very expensive if she was to fly back to Sydney right after the long weekend (it was the long weekend Easter holiday, and Sydney had the Friday and Monday off). For some reason, we ended up practically dating for the whole week. So it all started a few weeks leading up to her vacation to these parts. For some reason she messaged me almost every day in the different platforms where we are connected (there were just two basically, but for some reason we jumped back and forth between the two platforms depending on the time of the day). We were initially just talking about work stuff mostly, and some personal, but still work-related stuff like how I kept going back to the office on weekends ( :'( ) and how her rating during the last performance review was below her expectation (it was actually fine... But she...

Hi readers! It's been a while since the last post, hasn't it? How many times have I been using that opening line lol. Anyway, I just met up with her again. I wasn't sure why she still wanted to meet me; we planned to meet the week before because it's been quite a while since the last time we caught up, but she cancelled it last minute. We then caught up on one of the weekdays, but it was a rather short one because we had other things to do. I thought it was good enough, and thinking of calling it off; but I thought I guess it doesn't hurt to have another chat with her again and so we met again this afternoon. Turned out to be quite an eventful catch up. Finally after years of being mum about it, I shared the story that I've been trying hard to forget; the story about the girl I chased when I was in secondary school. I sieved through my old posts and shook (sorry for the lingo) that I have never actually written about her AT ALL. Am I really in denial so muc...