Fourth date???!!! + other stuff

Hi readers! What a long week it has been... And finally I have the weekend all for myself!!! (for the most part...)

Few updates. Believe it or not, the girl from this post is still willing to go out with me!! I have no idea why she'd want that... I feel that I have been a terrible date (or even by just-friend standard) so far... I was late for our first proper date (not a meetup just because she happens to be in the area) and again today... And I'm not sure how I did, but I think I still suck at keeping up with her as in the previous dates... :cry: :cry:

A little trivia update, I was just interviewed by Transferwise people because they wanted to do a promotional video for their Asian market. Friendly bunch, but I was too preoccupied for the date in the evening, I didn't even get to ask the questions I wanted to ask, or even properly thank them for their awesome product :'((((( OR TO EVEN ACTUALLY DOCUMENT IT BY TAKING SELFIE OR WHATEVER. FUCK I'M GETTING EVEN SADDER NOOOOWWW.

Another update, I *think* I'm totally over whatever I wrote on the previous post now. Or maybe I'm just too busy these last few days to actually have any mind space to even think/mourn about it lol. In any case, should be a good thing.

One take away from that incident that I shouldn't just ignore though, is that I am a very, very terrible person in general. Basically I just shared the existence of this blog to another friend, and after he read through everything (not sure, but probably really every single post), he concluded that I've been doing dating/courting/whatever wrong all along. He seemed to see the pattern where I fell for a girl too quickly, and that there are phases in relationships and apparently falling for a girl is considered as jumping the phases. He also found that I never really lead in anything (relationship, friendship, whatever). I always take the easy way out which is to support whatever the decision is. It's good with a large group of friends, but not good in a smaller ones, or even worse, in a relationship. Need to learn how to man up. Something I already knew. But I guess actually hearing it from someone is still better than just realizing it yourself. Now you have the peer pressure to actually improve yourself.

Back to the girl I had a fourth (or second proper) date with. After thinking about it, I'm not sure if it is because I always avoid the question whenever she asked me a rather difficult question about my past, or I just didn't manage to express myself correctly, or she just cut me off before I managed to say everything. It is probably the second one though. I always struggle when it comes to expressing my mind, even in my native language.

Let's try to make a list of things of why I suck as a person to be with:

1. Can't express myself clearly
2. I'm too lazy to put in the effort to maintain friendship
3. I don't want people to know that I suck, so I always maintain a facade which is tiring
4. I think too much when most of the time, the thing I worry about is probably nothing major to the other party
5. I always find the easy way out to identify someone and put labels on them as my mental model
6. I'd rather ignore problems and hope it'll go away, rather than facing it head-on.

Need to work on those. Probably they're going to be good new year's resolutions. Just kidding. I should totally work on those right away. But I'm currently soo tired I should get some sleep. I should totally go back to this post and made a list of things to work on.

Now I wonder if I should be doing quarter year resolution reviews.

All the best in your life's endeavors!

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