Cafexploration #2
Hi readers! Another day another post! Better be grateful while it lasts!
Went to temple today. No one there. No one as in no one that I'd be happy to see. No, I'm not talking about her in particular. Well, she is one of the people that I'd be happy to see there, but I was actually just talking about any friends I can talk to in general.
In the afternoon I met up with another girl who is actually a match from another dating app. Not for a date, but more for dating advice so to speak lol. The story is that she has just started to try to commit more to another guy, and I respected her decision since she has already been seeing him for 6 months. It was quite an interesting chat with her (rather an awkward one too). Learned that I'm not actually the worst of dates. Some random dude out there actually asked someone out for a date at MacDonald's! So if you're a guy and you think you're bad at dating, don't worry, there's always the MacDonald's guy who is definitely worse than you (unless you're the MacDonald's guy. In that case I'm sorry...) Also received some dating activities ideas from her past dates. As well as some conversation opener when you got matched. And the cliche but oh-so-hard-to-do advice: just be yourself. It makes perfect sense: how can you live with someone and not be yourself for the rest of your life? However, I guess the fear of disappointing others, low self-esteem, hope of being acknowledged etc etc make it difficult for many people (including myself) from being myself.
Anyway, I find that it is very easy to be myself when I know with some certainty that the person I talked to is rather reserved. Probably because then I am better at gauging their thoughts, which gave me some security about myself. Probably that's why I feel very stressed every time before I go on a date with her. She seemed to be so certain about the things she want to do in life, whereas I am just getting by, still figuring things out. I have the impression that such a confident person would be able to call out directionless person like me straight away, and wouldn't want to associate with such people. I've been proven wrong time and again. Not sure how long this is going to last. I feel that I am the determining variable here. Do I succumb to the thoughts that keep telling me that I am inadequate for her? That *she* thinks I am inadequate? Or am I going to believe in the statistics that she is still willing to go out with me despite my shortcomings?
I *REALLY* should go and talk to her.
A small note lest I forget. In my chat yesterday, she asked me if I've been having anxiety attacks. I didn't think much about it, until I realized that I am actually experiencing the symptoms quite often, but not until I became dysfunctional or anything because of it. Not sure if I should find help, but at least now that I am aware that it exists, I could put in the effort to suppress it.
Another note: name of the post is cafexploration because I just started exploring different cafes in Singapore, and today is the second cafe I visited. I feel that it is something that I enjoy doing, and that I can make it a hobby, or at least a defining character about myself. Useful for dating too! As a convo topic or at least a place to bring the date to. And now I have a reason to ask friends out on weekends too. So much win!
All the best in your life's endeavors.
Went to temple today. No one there. No one as in no one that I'd be happy to see. No, I'm not talking about her in particular. Well, she is one of the people that I'd be happy to see there, but I was actually just talking about any friends I can talk to in general.
In the afternoon I met up with another girl who is actually a match from another dating app. Not for a date, but more for dating advice so to speak lol. The story is that she has just started to try to commit more to another guy, and I respected her decision since she has already been seeing him for 6 months. It was quite an interesting chat with her (rather an awkward one too). Learned that I'm not actually the worst of dates. Some random dude out there actually asked someone out for a date at MacDonald's! So if you're a guy and you think you're bad at dating, don't worry, there's always the MacDonald's guy who is definitely worse than you (unless you're the MacDonald's guy. In that case I'm sorry...) Also received some dating activities ideas from her past dates. As well as some conversation opener when you got matched. And the cliche but oh-so-hard-to-do advice: just be yourself. It makes perfect sense: how can you live with someone and not be yourself for the rest of your life? However, I guess the fear of disappointing others, low self-esteem, hope of being acknowledged etc etc make it difficult for many people (including myself) from being myself.
Anyway, I find that it is very easy to be myself when I know with some certainty that the person I talked to is rather reserved. Probably because then I am better at gauging their thoughts, which gave me some security about myself. Probably that's why I feel very stressed every time before I go on a date with her. She seemed to be so certain about the things she want to do in life, whereas I am just getting by, still figuring things out. I have the impression that such a confident person would be able to call out directionless person like me straight away, and wouldn't want to associate with such people. I've been proven wrong time and again. Not sure how long this is going to last. I feel that I am the determining variable here. Do I succumb to the thoughts that keep telling me that I am inadequate for her? That *she* thinks I am inadequate? Or am I going to believe in the statistics that she is still willing to go out with me despite my shortcomings?
I *REALLY* should go and talk to her.
A small note lest I forget. In my chat yesterday, she asked me if I've been having anxiety attacks. I didn't think much about it, until I realized that I am actually experiencing the symptoms quite often, but not until I became dysfunctional or anything because of it. Not sure if I should find help, but at least now that I am aware that it exists, I could put in the effort to suppress it.
Another note: name of the post is cafexploration because I just started exploring different cafes in Singapore, and today is the second cafe I visited. I feel that it is something that I enjoy doing, and that I can make it a hobby, or at least a defining character about myself. Useful for dating too! As a convo topic or at least a place to bring the date to. And now I have a reason to ask friends out on weekends too. So much win!
All the best in your life's endeavors.
Comments
Post a Comment