Second "Date", and Other Stuff

Hi readers! Lots of updates in the past few days, huh? I guess I just happened to be having a rather happening week.

A few interesting stuff for my future self to look back (and maybe for readers who know me personally and want to know the stuff that has been happening in my life), in brief: I just met one of my matches the second time earlier this week.

So I met up with that girl from the previous post again on Monday, since she happened to be in the area in the evening. This time round she's more free so I had the chance to bring her around the office and talked more about ourselves. I learned and gained a lot of insights about many things. For one, that I might be more of an asshole than I thought I am. I kept putting labels on her like "foreigner", "American", all kinds of things (not necessarily super offensive, but still kinda weird and unbecoming of me. She kindly reminded me how that's something that people shouldn't be saying time and again, but I realized that my mind is filled with such labels and stereotype that I can't really just stop saying those because those are really what I thought of her. However, either she's really just too nice (I don't deserve such a friend if she is) or just didn't have much choice anyway (she told me how she had difficulty having a "permanent friend" here as most of the friends she made only stays in Singapore for very short term). In any case, I respect her for bearing with me. Just to make it clear to my future self/readers, I didn't feel any strong feeling for her, maybe because I had difficulty keeping up with her, but I could sympathize with her for all the things she's been through. I wish I can keep her as a friend, and at least give her another "permanent friend" in Singapore.

There's a one-day public holiday in Singapore tomorrow (it's today now local time) and I wish I could meet up with her again, but my ex-coursemates were planning a meetup which has not been finalized until this post is written. Sighs. I wish I have a better circle of friend.

That reminded me of what happened about a week earlier. I friggin broke down in front of one of my housemate. So it was just a normal Friday, where my office has this tradition of food and booze in the afternoon for people to let their hair down and just hang out. A colleague brought a friend who turned out to be quite an attractive girl. After a great initial conversation on the dinner table we proceeded to have a tour and for some reason after a while I came to realize that I've been really quiet and I don't know if I managed to give her a good first impression and if my colleague has already called dibs on her or if I will ever see her again. Then I also just replied that girl I had a second "date" with some stupid things and I thought I offended her and I lost her as a potential new friend and wondered if I can ever find someone as nice as her again (if this sentence sounds confusing, it's because it represents my thoughts at the time quite well). Then I realized I'm a fking desperate loser for thinking such thoughts and then I just felt that I had made all the wrong decisions in life and wondered how life would be like if only I made the other choices, and I wished I did make them. It was just too much; I tried to distract myself with work and wanted to avoid meeting my housemates when I came back; so I came back late and just as my luck would have it, my housemate was already asleep. I made use of the whole living room to drown myself in despair, accompanied by my guitar, playing all the sad and depressing songs that I learned back in secondary school, which evoked even more emotions and made me even more depressed. Then one of my housemates came home and he immediately realized there's something totally off with me and I decided to tell him all these ramblings in my mind, and broke down in tears too while I was at that.

I am so sorry if the previous paragraph sounded like those reddit/4chan/9gag posts, probably because I've been reading too much of it. I need to reduce my consumption of such internet contents....

Anyway don't worry about me, I am much better than when I broke down. Meeting positive people really can lift your spirit up too.

That's all for now. All the very best in your endeavours, readers! :D