Mind Overflow

Hi readers. I'm doing better now so please don't worry about me (if there is any readers left at this point, that is). For those who are out of the loop, simple check out my previous post, where I threw a textual tantrum about how I was lonely and desperate and stuff. I am not *that* depressed anymore, though I'm still sad by the fact that I didn't get to make full use of my teenage years to avoid the state of mind I'm in right now. But that's beside the point of what I wanted to write about in this post. Or actually it is, since technically it is inside my mind, and thus it overflows. Or maybe not really. I'm rambling. Moving on.

So basically yeah, I'm doing much better now. I just decided to accept that fact and try to improve myself. Just a little update on what happened last weekend; I actually made a "dana" to a "bhante"!! (that's "donation" and "Buddhist monk/venerable" to you plebs. Jk, I meant non-Buddhists) If it is like "meh" or doesn't sound like a big deal to you readers, because supposedly, it isn't. But I've been in Singapore for 8+ years now and I've always thought of doing it for at least the past 4 years and I hadn't actually done it until last weekend. I have that JC friend I wrote about in the previous post to thank for this achievement, for informing me about the opportunity and patiently answering all my stupid questions. I feel that I should thank her for this (I haven't really got the chance). Actually, I've been thinking of thanking her for approaching me when we first met again in the vihara because, well, if she never did we'd never actually talk again lol.

Another thing that is currently clouding my mind is about how suck I am at socializing. It seems that everyone is able to think of something to talk about as soon as the previous topic of conversation ends. I also find I suck at improvising too, which makes me boring (even to myself, I believe). I'm not sure if there's a cure for it or if I can actually improve it.

I am currently on a dating app (the less mainstream one i.e. not Tinder) and by miracle or mistake, someone swiped me right and we chat! But just after like 3-5 back and forth and I am already running out of things to talk about... Sad.

I wanted to keep in touch with that JC friend I mentioned in the second paragraph (part of it to thank her for everything). But I can't think of something to start the conversation. Sad.

You can tell after the third paragraph I gave up trying to make this post actually flows. And I'm not sure if it is because my English level deteriorates or I'm just tired because of all these things in my head.

I feel that I am too slow to be productive at work, and don't know who I should turn to to talk about it. I feel that what I'm currently doing is boring and not impactful, too.

I feel that I am losing my Chinese proficiency too. Luckily I'm going to start attending Chinese courses next week so at least I have that going for me which is nice.

Rick and Morty season 3 has ended! How long is it going to be to the next season?? :'(

It's hard to carry a conversation with that JC friend I'm thankful for, but I wanted to put in some effort in her because I have the feeling that she did, and she was hurt that I seemed not to care.

It's hard to re-establish a normal relationship with that childhood friend of mine for some reason. Either she's avoiding me or it's all in my mind.

I guess my mind has overflown enough. Have fun deciphering what each of those paragraphs mean and good luck in your life's endeavours :)