Facing the Truth(2)

This happened last night. Was depressed because I can't seem to make a conversation with her. Then suddenly a message from her came out of nowhere. She just said she couldn't sleep. Then I told her why I couldn't sleep too. And just like last time, her words were painfully accurate. I'm not sure why I'd use that word (painful). Probably because there isn't that many things in my life that is so accurate as that, that the unfamiliarity of the feeling being so precisely pointed out what is on my mind.

She basically somehow managed to put into words what I have been doing: I'm struggling to match her personality. It was so spot on I was actually scared how she knows. She just said that it was apparent, and it kinda made me worry now if she (okay this is getting confusing) knows too. But anyway, for some reason I was in the mood of sharing more of my shittiness with her so I told her. Not sure if I have ever written it down in this blog before, but I am someone with no personality on my own. That I am merely a reflection of my environment/community. At least, I was. Now I am just like a walking empty vessel with no real personality whatsoever. And then there's another question that hit home: "Is there anything about yourself that you're avoiding?" As a matter of fact, yes. But I didn't say that to her. Didn't tell a thing. My ego won't let me. The "thing about myself (I'm) avoiding" won't let me.

There are a few things I try to avoid about myself. The unfortunate thing is I can't remember now. Last night it was such a painful thing to realize that there's something about myself that I avoid, but now somehow my brain managed to bury that up again. Or probably it was just my depressed brain playing tricks on me when there's really nothing wrong about me. Now I regret not telling her anything...

Hopefully I'll edit this post in the future if I remember something about it. Or at least write the next part.

All the best in your life's endeavours!

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