The Trauma

Hi readers! Two posts in a month! When was the last time it happened? Looking back, it's actually not that rare... In fact most of the time this year I post in clusters - so two posts in a month is not rare, but blogposts in general are rare... OK enough about unimportant technicalities.

So I just finished a call with her. Not on a very high note, unfortunately. I mean, I must say our relationship, despite the distance, has been great. She understands my schedule and our timezone differences, and never pushes me to sacrifice my time for her unnecessarily. For example, being in Singapore, we always end our day kinda late, and I have a bunch of things I need to attend to lately for some reason (usually my life is very boring and not happening). This caused me not to be able to have a call with her every night, but she is always very understanding and patiently wait for the evenings when I'm free. Of course, I responded back in kind and always try to make my evenings free and leave work earlier than I used to as much as possible. We share how our days went on the days we actually managed to have a call. All is good. I've also cleared up my doubt about her that I wrote in a previous post. Things really couldn't be better.

Well, it could. Like what I wrote in that previous post, she is not perfect. She suffers from some mental health issues. Well, I mean, I don't love her less just because of it, but let's be honest here - those can really be a hindrance to relationship. That is what she experienced first hand, which is why I'm writing this post right now.

To put it shortly and frankly, her ex left her when she needed him the most. This caused her to be really scared of telling me whenever she's having episodes - something that I don't really want to happen, because how can you help if you don't even know when she does need help? We barely started talking about it when she quickly wanted to end the call - saying that she's getting an overwhelming urge to cry (ok that sounds really weird but basically she's suddenly feeling very sad and wanted to cry so badly) and doesn't want to cry in front of me. I accommodated and let her drop the call. She still chatted a bit to me afterwards, saying how she felt like a burden every time she's having such episodes. I assured her that it's not a burden knowing that she needs help from time to time, and then I realized that it's because she's scared of losing me (that traumatizing experience being repeated) which caused her to have this overwhelming feeling coming up inside her every time she talks about this to me. I told her that I want to help her overcome this fear. And then I think she fell asleep (she told me she's exhausted after the cry and wanted to take a nap). Usually I'd be a bit relieved at this point (finally have some time for myself! My single life is calling!) but ending on that note makes me feel too melancholic to play so I decided to write this instead.

Let this be a reminder to me (and her, she already knows about the existence of this blog) that I'll do what I can to help her overcome this fear, so that in the future, she can recount this traumatizing story of her without crying afterwards anymore.

All the best in your life's endeavours, and wish me the best in mine.

(Note: if you're not comfortable with me putting up your story here, let me know - I'll unpublish it)