Obligatory New Year Post 7

 Hello readers, it's me again (who else can it be). Here with another edition of obligatory new year post!

I'm writing this right on the new year's day for the very first time! Actually it's just because I just finished showering and waiting for my hair to dry (my parents always say not to sleep with wet hair as it can cause rheumatism or something). So this is going to be a quick one, without references to any of the previous editions of obligatory new year post, since I don't really want to sleep too late and I believe the last edition is the very sad edition, and I don't really want to make myself sad right now.

I think in all the previous editions of obligatory new year post, I've always made some sort of grading of resolution from the previous year and writing new ones for the upcoming year. Since I don't really want to read the previous year's obligatory new year post, I'm not going to do that and just going to do a quick reflection of how the year went, and the direction I'm heading in the new year.

Looking back, the year 2022 had been a year of self-discovery, and probably growth. I put myself quite out there on quite a number of occasions: I went for therapy, I travelled to the US on a business trip that has to be justifiably business critical, I did a solo trip to Thailand and did a self-initiated retreat in a monastery while I was at it. 2022 was also the year I first went to DAYWA's discussion. I also got Invisalign treatment. Most of these are things that happened in the second half of the year, I'm sure I'm missing some things that happened earlier in the year as well.

All the things I mentioned above are all things that I was really scared of doing and thus never did for a really loooongg time. 

Therapy is something that I've always known I should've gone for, but I was just unsure if I need it if I'm not diagnosed with any mental issues, not to mention the dread of actually being diagnosed with one... Fortunately the latter didn't happen.

I've travelled to the US for business trip a couple of times, but both of those times are for business-non-critical reasons (I was there for some internal conference), the impostor syndrome in me didn't believe that I could actually be of use to teams so far away from my desk. Just by being there, the people there are actually asking me questions, and there are things that I could actually help with! And doing a lightning presentation about different internal tools that we have also got some positive feedback from some people in the team. I was really happy with how it went, and it definitely helped with my confidence at work.

Doing a solo trip is not something that I really wanted to do, but visiting monasteries in Thailand is. And doing it solo felt right at the time when I was doing it. I was an anxious wreck for almost the whole process, but I'm glad I did it anyway, and *none* of the things I was worried about actually happened. Something for myself to think about and internalize about the "benefits" of "hope for the best but expect the worst" mentality, which has caused me so much worry and anxiety. Also a side note I'm actually in the middle of writing a post about this, but it's been kinda draggy and I'm increasingly unsure if I should/can finish it. We'll see, I really I hope I'll finish it...

Going to DAYWA discussion is also something that I've wanted to do in a long time, and my therapist encouraged me to do it, but I was always able to find an excuse not to do it. It was a combination of things that brought me to my first discussion session (I think it was topic + telling someone in the group that I was interested, causing people to "pressure" me into going + she told me that she wants to catch up after the thing), and I'm glad it happened. Again, a lot of the things I worried about didn't happen, and now I'm looking forward to every discussion!

Going into 2023, I'm looking to continue on this journey of self-discovery and growth. A close friend asked me if I have any new year resolution, and whether I'm excited for the upcoming year. I thought about it, and I'd say I am. It's not because I look forward for anything specific to happen in 2023, but just looking forward to see what else I'd find on this journey of self-discovery. I was thinking that maybe the end goal is to be happy with who I am. Right now it doesn't really matter to me, but I think underlying all these self-discovery is indeed a desire to be happy with who I am, something that I've never felt and I've never addressed, until last year.

So that's it. Turns out to be a bit longer than I expected, but I think it's a good length for this post.

I wish you have good learnings from 2022 and all the best for 2023!