When Silence Is No Longer Golden

This happened last night. Was depressed because I can't seem to make a conversation with her . Then suddenly a message from her came out of nowhere. She just said she couldn't sleep. Then I told her why I couldn't sleep too. And just like last time, her words were painfully accurate. I'm not sure why I'd use that word (painful). Probably because there isn't that many things in my life that is so accurate as that, that the unfamiliarity of the feeling being so precisely pointed out what is on my mind. She basically somehow managed to put into words what I have been doing: I'm struggling to match her personality. It was so spot on I was actually scared how she knows. She just said that it was apparent, and it kinda made me worry now if she (okay this is getting confusing) knows too. But anyway, for some reason I was in the mood of sharing more of my shittiness with her so I told her. Not sure if I have ever written it down in this blog before, but I am s

Hi readers. Just had a talk with a friend. He is one with a really logical way of thinking. A little too logical for his own good sometimes... But that's beside the point of tonight's post. We talked about what I wrote in this post and he again told me how I take things too seriously. Like I need to take a chill pill and be less guarded about things. Well, I already know that I often take things too seriously (if I dare say it might actually be always, or almost all the time to be nice to myself), but I have no idea why I do, and how I can try not to be that way too much. I feel that I need to find out the reason why I am this way and work from there, but this piece (or pieces) of memory might be somewhere deep inside my psyche and might not be trivial to find out. So alternatively I could just consciously try to be more chill about things. It is definitely not going to be that easy, since it has become something like a character to me, and it is probably going to be easier

Another 2 weeks another post! Just had an office holiday party last night and I (didn't) have a blast! Long story short. I invited her . Tried to enjoy myself by chugging on them booze. Didn't do a thing to my brain. If anything, it's my belly that felt that it gonna explode (upwards). She kinda enjoyed herself, I think. Like she was excited to meet some of my colleagues, but on the dance floor, I can tell she's not having nearly enough booze to let her hair down, but she tried anyway (I tried too. Too hard, too). After party, went to a bar. Left early / Bailed on her. (On the left is what she claimed was the way she saw it, on the right is the way I saw it). Anyway, talked to her and she said everything's good, even after I kinda pressed her to be honest with me. So I had no choice but to take her words for it. So, assuming she is being upfront, these are a few things I learn about myself: 1. I'm super closed. Well, I already knew this all along. But