TFW You Realize You Were Dense AF
3 months have passed since the last time I updated my blog. Damn, how time flies! There were a couple of times when I had the urge to post something when I encountered something interesting, but I was either too busy or too lazy and now I have already forgotten what it was about... But now I am having another urge to post something and I happen to be right in front of my computer with Internet connection so.. why not.
So just a little bit of opening words... I am in my final year of my university life now. Damn how time flies! (Deja vu?) The journey has been great though it certainly could be better. There were ups and downs, good things happened most of the time, but there is one thing I have missed since that My seemingly perfect past life incidence (sorry it has been 3 years and I have not gotten around to finish it! Did I even promise to actually write the story? I can't even remember now..): finding a SO! Of course, there were some progress on that regards with that girl from my exchange to China but... even before I got sick of her I knew that there were no future for us even if things go better than expected. Anyway, I have been joking around with my friends about how I am doing FYP (final year project) this year and I said it is actually "find your partner". And I really am doing FYP in both regards! I realise that my options are limited; my faculty does not exactly have a good gender ratio, and I am not active in any clubs/societies/whatever and it is probably too late for that. Then I looked back and realized that I still have an option that I have not even tried: the girl in this post. (the part where she appeared is quite deep into the post, so you can try to skim through or read the whole thing :p)
I'm sure if you clicked on that post and saw the date, you'd be like "dude, that was like 3 years ago" and "lol I didn't even know she's important in your story" or something along the line. The reality is that she has been the girl I wanted to woo for the longest time. However, me being the noob that I was - still am (in terms of courting women), was too damn scared to actually try that for the fear of losing the friendship I already had with her then.
We are not so close now, I would describe our relationship as more like old friends at best or acquaintances at worst. Nevertheless, I tried texting her again because I have everything to lose if I don't try it now.
There is a plot twist, though. Looking back, I realized that she might have had feelings for me! And I didn't realize that, or even worse, I might have noticed but I did not know how to react. Thus the title.
So the story started around the time I almost graduate from JC. So it was almost A levels and everyone's stress level was at all-time high (at least all-time at the time). She was telling me how she was scared that she wouldn't do well for some subjects, and I told her that she worried too much, and then I made a bet that if she scored A for those subjects, she'd have to treat me and if I scored A for some subject that I was worried about, I'd have to treat her too. I thought that was a brilliant excuse to have a date with her (it friggin was! Why such an opportunity doesn't ever come up again? :( )
Long story short, I won the bet (she scored straight As as I expected, and I scored C for that particular subject I bet lol) so we decided on the time and place and there we went. Actually, it was more like SHE decided the time and place because I told her that I don't have any preference. Dense strike number 1.
I don't really remember how it went, but it should have been OK since after the meal I remembered she asked whether we should go somewhere else. Dense strike number 2: I said I had nothing in mind. She suggested for us to go to the bookstore. I just agreed with her and off we went. I think we were only there for about 15 minutes or half an hour at most, and probably she realized it was not working as I did not really read much (probably to her disappointment). I mean, I enjoy reading, I like deep stories. But I too lazy to go to the bookstore specially to buy book, or browse catalogs and everything. This is probably why I am suited for software engineering job but I digress.
Anyway, when we were in the bookstore, I was browsing book by myself only for practically 5 minutes (or even shorter) and I got bored to death already. Then the rest of the time I was basically just following her and asked questions about book that she read (and I don't even remember what she said now since I have very little knowledge of books!). Anyway so we left soon after, and she asked again where we should go. I again say up to her. Dense strike number 3. She was probably tired of leading the interactions without me reciprocating much, and she suggested that we should end the night there. I said OK. Dense strike number 4. So there the night ended. And so were her attempts at interacting with me.
4 strike of me being dense. Does not seem much, ain't it?
There were more numerous occasions of me with her that would count towards the dense-ness strikes. Early on when we just entered university she came over to my room quite frequently. I came to her room for a couple of times. However, we often struggled to find a common topic to talk about, and always ended up in awkward silence and one of us excusing ourselves from the scene. Looking back, seemed like I have wasted a very good chance of knowing her better for this 4 years in university, when the odds were really actually in my favour.
So yeah, I only had this realization of how dense I was just now (it was 2 hours ago at the time of the writing of this sentence). A couple of days after I committed myself to go all out on this girl. I felt like killing myself for not taking the chance when it was easy. But what's done is done. Now I can only hope that she will give me another chance....
Wish me luck, guys! All the best in your life endeavours! :D
So just a little bit of opening words... I am in my final year of my university life now. Damn how time flies! (Deja vu?) The journey has been great though it certainly could be better. There were ups and downs, good things happened most of the time, but there is one thing I have missed since that My seemingly perfect past life incidence (sorry it has been 3 years and I have not gotten around to finish it! Did I even promise to actually write the story? I can't even remember now..): finding a SO! Of course, there were some progress on that regards with that girl from my exchange to China but... even before I got sick of her I knew that there were no future for us even if things go better than expected. Anyway, I have been joking around with my friends about how I am doing FYP (final year project) this year and I said it is actually "find your partner". And I really am doing FYP in both regards! I realise that my options are limited; my faculty does not exactly have a good gender ratio, and I am not active in any clubs/societies/whatever and it is probably too late for that. Then I looked back and realized that I still have an option that I have not even tried: the girl in this post. (the part where she appeared is quite deep into the post, so you can try to skim through or read the whole thing :p)
I'm sure if you clicked on that post and saw the date, you'd be like "dude, that was like 3 years ago" and "lol I didn't even know she's important in your story" or something along the line. The reality is that she has been the girl I wanted to woo for the longest time. However, me being the noob that I was - still am (in terms of courting women), was too damn scared to actually try that for the fear of losing the friendship I already had with her then.
We are not so close now, I would describe our relationship as more like old friends at best or acquaintances at worst. Nevertheless, I tried texting her again because I have everything to lose if I don't try it now.
There is a plot twist, though. Looking back, I realized that she might have had feelings for me! And I didn't realize that, or even worse, I might have noticed but I did not know how to react. Thus the title.
So the story started around the time I almost graduate from JC. So it was almost A levels and everyone's stress level was at all-time high (at least all-time at the time). She was telling me how she was scared that she wouldn't do well for some subjects, and I told her that she worried too much, and then I made a bet that if she scored A for those subjects, she'd have to treat me and if I scored A for some subject that I was worried about, I'd have to treat her too. I thought that was a brilliant excuse to have a date with her (it friggin was! Why such an opportunity doesn't ever come up again? :( )
Long story short, I won the bet (she scored straight As as I expected, and I scored C for that particular subject I bet lol) so we decided on the time and place and there we went. Actually, it was more like SHE decided the time and place because I told her that I don't have any preference. Dense strike number 1.
I don't really remember how it went, but it should have been OK since after the meal I remembered she asked whether we should go somewhere else. Dense strike number 2: I said I had nothing in mind. She suggested for us to go to the bookstore. I just agreed with her and off we went. I think we were only there for about 15 minutes or half an hour at most, and probably she realized it was not working as I did not really read much (probably to her disappointment). I mean, I enjoy reading, I like deep stories. But I too lazy to go to the bookstore specially to buy book, or browse catalogs and everything. This is probably why I am suited for software engineering job but I digress.
Anyway, when we were in the bookstore, I was browsing book by myself only for practically 5 minutes (or even shorter) and I got bored to death already. Then the rest of the time I was basically just following her and asked questions about book that she read (and I don't even remember what she said now since I have very little knowledge of books!). Anyway so we left soon after, and she asked again where we should go. I again say up to her. Dense strike number 3. She was probably tired of leading the interactions without me reciprocating much, and she suggested that we should end the night there. I said OK. Dense strike number 4. So there the night ended. And so were her attempts at interacting with me.
4 strike of me being dense. Does not seem much, ain't it?
There were more numerous occasions of me with her that would count towards the dense-ness strikes. Early on when we just entered university she came over to my room quite frequently. I came to her room for a couple of times. However, we often struggled to find a common topic to talk about, and always ended up in awkward silence and one of us excusing ourselves from the scene. Looking back, seemed like I have wasted a very good chance of knowing her better for this 4 years in university, when the odds were really actually in my favour.
So yeah, I only had this realization of how dense I was just now (it was 2 hours ago at the time of the writing of this sentence). A couple of days after I committed myself to go all out on this girl. I felt like killing myself for not taking the chance when it was easy. But what's done is done. Now I can only hope that she will give me another chance....
Wish me luck, guys! All the best in your life endeavours! :D
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