Of Managing Friendship
Hi readers! Has it been quite some time since the last time I posted (as usual)? Though it was only about 1 month, it feels like ages ago. You all will see why shortly.
So just to keep you all readers up to speed, after my last post, school starts and I might have made some irrational/bad decisions regarding my modules, which, despite not jeopardizing my workload on other semesters to graduate on time, will evoke certain kinds of judgements towards me. Thing is, I dropped a course in favour of a Chinese class whose credit I cannot transfer back to my home university, and I started off with few coursesin the first place so by dropping that particular course, I am now in a position of only mapping 3 courses out of the supposedly 5 courses per semester (according to NUS standard). However, as it turned out one of the courses I managed to map supposed to be mapped to a higher level course in NUS whose pre-requisite I have not met, and thus I feel like dropping it too. However, if I drop it, I will only be mapping 2 courses, which people may see as me being lazy and just like to take the easy way out. Again, it could be just me who is overly sensitive over judgements of others. (If you don't understand what I am saying here, it's alright. I assumed a lot of prior knowledge regarding NUS education system here)
And then there's the travelling. I went to 天津 2 weekends ago with the other Tsinghua exchangers. Then just today this morning I came back from Inner Mongolia! (FYI in China 1-7 October are public holidays to celebrate the country's anniversary). The two trips could be much more enjoyable if only I went with people I am more comfortable with. (Now you readers can tell the directions my blog is going). So yeah, I don't feel comfortable making friends, and obviously, travelling with the Tsinghua exchangers. Or most of them, at least. There are 4 of them who are always together and can get along really well. Then there is one girl who has quite a different interest than this group of four, but she managed to get along with the four just fine. So is the other guy. And then there is me.
As a person who reached Beijing earliest, I thought I should have the advantage of making friends with everyone earlier. I could not be more wrong. As it turned out, the fun only started when each of the four has reached Beijing. They were able to get along really well and somehow I felt a different vibe compared to when I was socializing with the Summer Programme people. I just could not bring myself up to speed and end up remaining quiet most of the time I'm with them. (not sure if the last sentence makes sense, I really could not think of a better way to put it) But anyway, I am glad that when returning back to Beijing from Inner Mongolia, I ended the trip by taking train with the one girl instead of with the rest. Glad not only because it is much cheaper, but also because she is the person I need to talk to the most then. She is a very direct person when talking with others, not even restraining from criticizing people or cursing (okay the latter was not exactly a good trait but yeah, she is a very direct person). I can't quite remember how she managed to bring our conversation from a rather casual one to me being so quiet and reserved in the group. And how from me being quiet it is detrimental not only for myself, but also to the group as they need to rearrange plans to accommodate me. I was actually aware of it, but the fact that someone has to tell me that straight on my face, despite me being aware of it, just gave the information another ring to it. And then she proceeded to tell me how it is difficult to manage friends in a new environment, how she understands how I feel, being unable to find friends I can click with here, and some other stuff (I was too shocked by her straightforwardness to properly process the information she told me afterwards). But anyway, talking to her indeed gives me the resolve to take a step back from the group for my (and their) own good, though it was something I have already planned to do even before the Inner Mongolia trip.
I shall just end it here. I have the feeling I ramble quite a lot on this post, as I am quite tired today from the train ride last night. It was 9 hours on 硬座，or hard-seater. Luckily the seat is actually soft, but you cannot adjust the backrest so you have to sleep with your back upright or some other weird but more comfortable positions of your choice. Anyway it was quite an interesting experience. People from all walks of life gathered there, and some are even willing to talk (unfortunately, due to my limited Chinese, I cannot maintain a meaningful conversation with them :/ the people I met there were really interesting, I wish my Chinese is better!)
Okay here I go rambling again. I shall stop now and of course, good luck in your future endeavours!
Edit: Damn I DID ramble a lot here. Added some clarification about me taking the train with the "girl". It was during the trip back to Beijing from Inner Mongolia.
So just to keep you all readers up to speed, after my last post, school starts and I might have made some irrational/bad decisions regarding my modules, which, despite not jeopardizing my workload on other semesters to graduate on time, will evoke certain kinds of judgements towards me. Thing is, I dropped a course in favour of a Chinese class whose credit I cannot transfer back to my home university, and I started off with few coursesin the first place so by dropping that particular course, I am now in a position of only mapping 3 courses out of the supposedly 5 courses per semester (according to NUS standard). However, as it turned out one of the courses I managed to map supposed to be mapped to a higher level course in NUS whose pre-requisite I have not met, and thus I feel like dropping it too. However, if I drop it, I will only be mapping 2 courses, which people may see as me being lazy and just like to take the easy way out. Again, it could be just me who is overly sensitive over judgements of others. (If you don't understand what I am saying here, it's alright. I assumed a lot of prior knowledge regarding NUS education system here)
And then there's the travelling. I went to 天津 2 weekends ago with the other Tsinghua exchangers. Then just today this morning I came back from Inner Mongolia! (FYI in China 1-7 October are public holidays to celebrate the country's anniversary). The two trips could be much more enjoyable if only I went with people I am more comfortable with. (Now you readers can tell the directions my blog is going). So yeah, I don't feel comfortable making friends, and obviously, travelling with the Tsinghua exchangers. Or most of them, at least. There are 4 of them who are always together and can get along really well. Then there is one girl who has quite a different interest than this group of four, but she managed to get along with the four just fine. So is the other guy. And then there is me.
As a person who reached Beijing earliest, I thought I should have the advantage of making friends with everyone earlier. I could not be more wrong. As it turned out, the fun only started when each of the four has reached Beijing. They were able to get along really well and somehow I felt a different vibe compared to when I was socializing with the Summer Programme people. I just could not bring myself up to speed and end up remaining quiet most of the time I'm with them. (not sure if the last sentence makes sense, I really could not think of a better way to put it) But anyway, I am glad that when returning back to Beijing from Inner Mongolia, I ended the trip by taking train with the one girl instead of with the rest. Glad not only because it is much cheaper, but also because she is the person I need to talk to the most then. She is a very direct person when talking with others, not even restraining from criticizing people or cursing (okay the latter was not exactly a good trait but yeah, she is a very direct person). I can't quite remember how she managed to bring our conversation from a rather casual one to me being so quiet and reserved in the group. And how from me being quiet it is detrimental not only for myself, but also to the group as they need to rearrange plans to accommodate me. I was actually aware of it, but the fact that someone has to tell me that straight on my face, despite me being aware of it, just gave the information another ring to it. And then she proceeded to tell me how it is difficult to manage friends in a new environment, how she understands how I feel, being unable to find friends I can click with here, and some other stuff (I was too shocked by her straightforwardness to properly process the information she told me afterwards). But anyway, talking to her indeed gives me the resolve to take a step back from the group for my (and their) own good, though it was something I have already planned to do even before the Inner Mongolia trip.
I shall just end it here. I have the feeling I ramble quite a lot on this post, as I am quite tired today from the train ride last night. It was 9 hours on 硬座，or hard-seater. Luckily the seat is actually soft, but you cannot adjust the backrest so you have to sleep with your back upright or some other weird but more comfortable positions of your choice. Anyway it was quite an interesting experience. People from all walks of life gathered there, and some are even willing to talk (unfortunately, due to my limited Chinese, I cannot maintain a meaningful conversation with them :/ the people I met there were really interesting, I wish my Chinese is better!)
Okay here I go rambling again. I shall stop now and of course, good luck in your future endeavours!
Edit: Damn I DID ramble a lot here. Added some clarification about me taking the train with the "girl". It was during the trip back to Beijing from Inner Mongolia.
Comments
Post a Comment