Intense Heart Exercise
Omg. It was just 3 days away from a seemingly innocent post and now I am already writing about some melancholy post again sigh.... But I really need to pour it somewhere to someone I can trust/somewhere nobody would find but I can feel that I have shared it with someone.
So there is this girl in the summer trip. She is a NUS business student. Doesn't look very pretty but she is very cute. She is going to be my travel partner to Beijing before I can check in to the dorm (maybe). I fell for her on the first sight. Other guys turn out to be much more alpha than me. I missed a lot of opportunities to flirt with her. (Not that I am good with flirting in the first place). I got some cues that she is trying to avoid me. My brain says ok but my heart was in denial. It was such a painful afternoon, Luckily we went back to hotel early. I could not sleep or do anything at all. I tried to get to my laptop and do some simple coding but I simply could not concentrate.
This is bad. I may be going to travel with her for a few days before I can check in so I need to maintain a neutral stance with her but it made my interaction with her very weird. It is always weird whenever I have any intention in mind when interacting with someone, regardless of the nature of the intention. I decided to keep a distance with her in the evening. Luckily we went out with another guy, with whom she likes to talk with, so I can keep a distance from her without looking too obvious doing that. And the other person in the group also happily talked to me so it looks even more natural. And I am happy that I can act natural with all the things happening in my head. All credits go to her :p. I could not thank her enough for all she has done for me, either directly (she helped me to translate restaurant menus) or indirectly (this evening lol).
Okay I strayed too far from the main topic. But basically what I was trying to say with the title was that after being void of much feeling for the past...5 years(?) the feeling I had here is too intense. And everything went too fast. We went out almost everyday, almost all day, leaving me very little alone time to ponder about what happened and what I should do about it. Some readers (if any) who have been following my blog would be confused now, since I wrote some time ago (about 2 years ago) that I fell for some 15 y/o kid (pedo alert). To be honest, I was not even sure now which is love, lust, infatuation, or simply sympathy. Probably what I fel for that "kid" was sympathy, or care. I do not want her to lead the path I have trodden, which was not very pretty. I really hoped what I feel now is infatuation because there is no way I can make her happy in my current state. I can only make small talk (something which I hate so much) while others can make her laugh heartily.
But I (probably) will be having a few days of alone time with her, which may turn to be a painful one or a pleasant one. Hopefully it will turn out to be the latter....
I shall end this confused post in order to avoid more confusion on your side, readers.
All the best in your future endeavours.
So there is this girl in the summer trip. She is a NUS business student. Doesn't look very pretty but she is very cute. She is going to be my travel partner to Beijing before I can check in to the dorm (maybe). I fell for her on the first sight. Other guys turn out to be much more alpha than me. I missed a lot of opportunities to flirt with her. (Not that I am good with flirting in the first place). I got some cues that she is trying to avoid me. My brain says ok but my heart was in denial. It was such a painful afternoon, Luckily we went back to hotel early. I could not sleep or do anything at all. I tried to get to my laptop and do some simple coding but I simply could not concentrate.
This is bad. I may be going to travel with her for a few days before I can check in so I need to maintain a neutral stance with her but it made my interaction with her very weird. It is always weird whenever I have any intention in mind when interacting with someone, regardless of the nature of the intention. I decided to keep a distance with her in the evening. Luckily we went out with another guy, with whom she likes to talk with, so I can keep a distance from her without looking too obvious doing that. And the other person in the group also happily talked to me so it looks even more natural. And I am happy that I can act natural with all the things happening in my head. All credits go to her :p. I could not thank her enough for all she has done for me, either directly (she helped me to translate restaurant menus) or indirectly (this evening lol).
Okay I strayed too far from the main topic. But basically what I was trying to say with the title was that after being void of much feeling for the past...5 years(?) the feeling I had here is too intense. And everything went too fast. We went out almost everyday, almost all day, leaving me very little alone time to ponder about what happened and what I should do about it. Some readers (if any) who have been following my blog would be confused now, since I wrote some time ago (about 2 years ago) that I fell for some 15 y/o kid (pedo alert). To be honest, I was not even sure now which is love, lust, infatuation, or simply sympathy. Probably what I fel for that "kid" was sympathy, or care. I do not want her to lead the path I have trodden, which was not very pretty. I really hoped what I feel now is infatuation because there is no way I can make her happy in my current state. I can only make small talk (something which I hate so much) while others can make her laugh heartily.
But I (probably) will be having a few days of alone time with her, which may turn to be a painful one or a pleasant one. Hopefully it will turn out to be the latter....
I shall end this confused post in order to avoid more confusion on your side, readers.
All the best in your future endeavours.
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