The Missing Force: Drive

Hi everyone (or anyone lol)! This is such a rare occasion when I write a post on a fine Saturday noon before lunch. Well, the problem is, I actually intended to write this piece last night, but I was too absorbed into this game called "Outwitters" that I was too tired to write when I realized how long I have spent on the game.

For those who are interested, Outwitters is a turn-based strategy game (the FFT/Might and Magic kind of game) on mobile. You can get it on AppStore/PlayStore for free. It's pretty fun! (why am I advertising this game now...)

Again, that was not the main point of this post. The past few weeks were the commencement ceremonies for the various courses' graduating students of the year. I was not invited by anyone (not that I know many people 2 years my seniors but yeah) so I did not attend any of those. However, the coverage, whether I like it or not, would pop up in my Facebook news feed so I more or less got into the loop as well. Some of the articles are about some students with out-of-the-ordinary stories, where they overcame all odds and able to graduate (sometimes with flying colors, sometimes not but still able to get a decent jobs or get into graduate school etc). Here's one of the examples of those stories.

TL;DR version: She transferred university and course after 1 year in SMU business, to NUS Mechanical Engineering. She graduates with second lower honors but feels very satisfied. She got into graduate school in Germany.

Initially I thought the story is really stupid: she could save all those troubles breaking down and getting 0.63/5.00 GPA by just transferring to NUS Business, taking Mechanical Engineering courses as her breadth and unrestricted elective modules. But regardless of whether her decision to transfer course is a good one, there is one thing that struck a chord in my mind: she was able to keep it together. And I was sure that there is a very strong drive, something really close to her that enabled her to keep it together. For all we know, it could be just her ego or her extremely supportive friends, but still, that drive must be so strong that it was able to carry her through the ups and downs all the way to graduation.

I do not know if I am over-thinking it or not, but I feel, something that can make you carry on with whatever you are doing with a 0.63/5.00 GPA must be really (like, REALLY) strong. Let's face it, whether you are in the "GPA-is-not-important" camp or otherwise, getting a 0.63 on your first semester must be a huge let down, especially when you yourself is the one who decided to take the leap of faith. It would make you question your decision; is what you are doing really right? Or was it just plain stupid? If I were her, I would have tried to transfer back to SMU business, trying to appeal to continue where I left off. Or more likely I would not have taken the leap of faith at all, saving me all the troubles and stress. But not in this case. She pressed on all the way to graduation!

And that left me wondering: what drives me? What force would enable me to carry on in the face of extreme difficulties? What will happen if it (such a low GPA) were to happen to me? My life has been quite peaceful, without much ups and downs, which I should be grateful of. However, instead of content, all I feel is emptiness. It's like I am only living to get by the day everyday, or at most for the near future. What I do is for some short-term gain, without any long-term goal in mind. Now I realise why I am unable to do as well as many people I aspire (or rather, wish) to be. Why it is hard for me to push my limit, overcome my boundaries, get out of my comfort zone. It's because I don't have that driving force that can carry me there.

It brings another question to the table; is that driving force is something you have to find, make, or let to come to you? That Shinna girl... I am not sure what driving force that carried her from 0.63 GPA to graduation with second lower honors, and how it came to her. There was another story about an anonymous guy (I read the story in my university's Facebook confession page) who has a very unfortunate living condition, having to support his single mother who is just a hawker centre stall vendor. His driving force is obviously a better living condition for his family, and it came to him, not something that he made/found. You can feel his contentment for graduating and his fortune to be able to secure a high-paying job to fulfil his life aspiration.

So, what can drive me to achieve greatness? Pull me up out of great difficulty? Push me to do something more than just fulfilling short-term requirements/expectations of others? Is it something that I should find, or is it something that will come to me eventually? Meanwhile, I would really appreciate it if you readers (if any) willing to share your aspirations with me. What makes you tick? What pushes you so that you go the extra mile when doing something? Is it something that come to you naturally? Or something you find in life and you just feel that "click" within your mind, and so it has been ever since? It would mean the world to me. Via comments or direct mail to me, or any other means to contact me are welcome! :D

So, good luck in your future endeavours! And may you achieve that aspiration of yours!